The Struggle is Real

By Diann Moesner, Youth First, Inc.

Whether you are interacting with students as a school professional, a parent, or both, it can feel uncomfortable to watch kids struggle to navigate the world around them. When we see them struggling, it is natural to want to “fix” things for them – to step in and make the challenges go away so that they, and we, do not have to experience the uncomfortable feelings that can come with perceived failure.

This school year’s struggles may take many forms. For some students, it might mean missing the honor roll for the first time in their school career. For others, it could mean not making a team they were certain they would make. It might look like changing peer groups and wondering where they fit in with friends they have known for years. Whatever the struggle looks like, it is important to acknowledge that it is real. Disappointment, change, and uncertainty are a natural and necessary part of learning to navigate the world, and these experiences can help students grow, build resilience, and better understand themselves and others.

The uncomfortable feelings that come with struggle are very real, and it can be difficult – even scary – to watch our young people experience them. But allowing them the space to feel those emotions is an important part of growing up. That does not mean we should let them suffer in silence. In these moments, our most important role may not be that of a superhero, rushing in to save the day or shielding them from every disappointment. Instead, our role is to be present.

Sitting alongside the young person in your life, right there in the middle of all those “yucky” feelings, can be one of the most meaningful things you do. We can help them name and own their feelings, accept an outcome or disappointment, and discover that even difficult moments eventually pass. By staying with them through the discomfort and helping them find their way forward, we give them something far more valuable than a quick rescue: the confidence and resilience to navigate life’s challenges.

In a world filled with carefully curated images of perfect lives, it is easy to believe that anything less than perfection is failure – or that something is wrong with us. But most people don’t make every team they try out for. Most people don’t make the honor roll every semester of their school career. And most people don’t stay best friends with the same people they met in preschool. These experiences are not signs that something has gone wrong; they are a normal part of growing up.

One of the greatest gifts we can give young people is the understanding that it is worthwhile striving to become the best version of yourself while knowing that your worth is never determined by an achievement, grade, team, friendship, or outcome. If things don’t go exactly as hoped or dreamed, they need to know you will always love and value them—and that there is a world full of people, possibilities, and experiences waiting to welcome them for exactly who they are.

There is life after the 10U softball team. There is life after the 5th-grade honor roll celebration. There is life after navigating the changing friendships of middle school. These moments may feel incredibly important right now, but they do not define your child’s worth or determine their future.

Permit yourselves to feel the disappointment. Help your child sit with it, acknowledge it, and recognize that it matters. Then, when they are ready, help them step back and look at the bigger picture. There is so much more life ahead – new opportunities, new relationships, unexpected successes, and countless moments of joy waiting to unfold.